NYC

...now browsing by category

“Clever laptop pun”

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

The Wall Street Journal has a story about coffee shops pulling the plug on free-loading laptop users. Read it here.

Look, I’m a “writer,” in the sense that I like collecting rejection letters. I’ve always felt like the people who go to a coffee shop to write are lame. It seems like they’re more interested in someone (usually a pretty girl) coming up to them to talk to them about their deep thoughts and insights a.k.a. lame poetry.

Or they want to surf the web for a few hours while nursing a single cup of coffee. Who cares if paying customers can’t sit down? There’s pictures of cats with funny captions to be looked at! Also lame.

Or they want to show off their new MacBook. Lame lame lame.

I tried to write in a coffee shop once. It wasn’t on a laptop, I was doing line-edits on a printed manuscript. I was curious to see if there was anything to sitting in a coffee shop and working. I felt like a self-absorbed tool and ended up drinking five cups of coffee because I felt bad for monopolizing the space. Plus, it was too loud to concentrate.

So instead of getting some good work done, I ended up frustrated and jittery. LAME!

Posted in NYC, Really? | 925 Responses »
Tags: coffee shops, Laptops

Darwinism, please?

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

A recent college grad from the Bronx, Trina Thompson, is suing Monroe College because, three months after graduating, the college hasn’t done enough to find her a job. She’s seeking $70,000 in tuition reimbursement, as well as $2,000 for stress.

I’m pretty sure it’s not Monroe College’s fault, and I’ll give you two reasons as to why:

1. Check out the story NY1 did here. While a gracious editor cleaned up her quote in the text, if you listen to the video, her quote is actually this (emphasis mine):

“I need a full-time job placement and that’s what they said they was going to help me with and they didn’t.”

2. In her complaint, which you can read here, you can see that’s she’s “seeking a reimbursement of $70,000 from [her] tutision.”

So the reason Trina can’t find a job is not because of anything Monroe College did. Actually, it’s despite their effort. It’s because she’s a moron.

It’s kinda sad that my generation is one that expects handouts without having to do any work.

If I really thought about this, I would probably be overcome with an impending sense of doom, that if the children are our future, and the children are retarded, then we are completely screwed as a race, and I may as well go live in a shack in the mountains and become self-sufficient to try and stave off the eventual collapse of society.

Instead, I’ll just laugh and move on.

Posted in Just not right, NYC, Really? | 121 Responses »
Tags: Monroe College, Trina Thompson

The shame of lower Manhattan

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Here’s something that makes me wonder how the elected officials and landowners involved have convinced themselves that they’re still worthy members of society: According to the Daily News, the Freedom Tower, and surrounding transit hub and memorial, won’t be completed until 2018.

2018.

Read it and weep.

That’s 17 years after the terrorist attacks. Meanwhile, excavation for the Empire State Building started on January 22, 1930. It opened on May 1, 1931. That’s barely more than a year! And I’m pretty sure they didn’t even have electricity in the 1930s! If you adjust for advances in technology, by today’s standards, we should be able to build the Freedom Tower in 45 minutes.

So what’s the problem? Well, Larry Silverstein, who leases the property, isn’t helping. This is the kind of guy Larry Silverstein is: His insurance policy was for $3.5 billion, but he wants double that, because since it was two planes, that means two separate attacks, which means he’s due closer to $7 billion. Makes sense. I mean, c’mon, $3.5 billion, what is that? That’s practically an insult. What can you buy with that? Cuba? Whatever. Clearly, he is an easy-going guy who wants to do the right thing: The right thing is collecting all the money ever printed in America.

Although, it also didn’t help that former Gov. Pataki appointed his buddy, John Whitehead, to the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation. You’d figure a successful banker would have experience with construction and economic development, right? I mean, that’s why I call my butcher when my sink is backed up. Seriously though, it must be fun to be a political appointee, unless you’re Michael Brown (although, in Bush’s defense, I believe that raising horses is qualification to run the country’s disaster-response agency. It makes just as much sense as abstinence-only programs and invading a country that didn’t attack us. Right?)

Then there’s dealing with the Port Authority, a bi-state agency that actually owns the site, and is also full of political appointees. They made an agreement in 2006, called the master development agreement, with Silverstein, which gave the PA control of the Freedom Tower and Silverstein would have to build some of the smaller towers. Problem was, it resulted in $132 million in late fees after multiple deadlines passed, because a random wall in the middle of the site prevented it from getting handed over…

You know what? Fuck this. This is ridiculous. Fuck everyone involved who handed al-Qaeda the win on this. Because they did win. We live in a constant state of fear and political bickering, we’ve given up our civil liberties for the illusion of safety and we’ve accepted that a big, gaping hole in lower Manhattan is just something to accept. For a country as jingoistic as America, I fail to understand why there isn’t rioting in the streets. It’s also the same reason that I refuse to acknowledge the Pledge of Allegiance or the Star Spangled Banner anymore. This country, and the standards we set for ourselves, it’s all a joke.

Posted in Democracy, Just not right, NYC, Politics | 1 Response »

But… he’s famous!

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

There’s a photo on Page Six of the New York Post today that I just love. I can’t find a link to it, so let me describe it to you: Two smiling female cops flanked by Chris Brown.

What a fantastic example they’re setting for the kids.

“Hey Mr. Celebrity, even though you beat the shit out of your girlfriend, and we’re members of the law enforcement community, we would like to take a picture with you because you are famous. Hope you don’t beat the shit out of us! Just kidding! You’re famous, and a guy, it was clearly her fault. Say cheese!”

Wow. Just, wow.

Posted in NYC, Really?, Tool | 151 Responses »
Tags: Chris Brown

Who even conceived of this?!?

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Coca-Cola invented a carbonated milk beverage. I really would like to know the thought process that went into creating this. Did someone mix milk with soda, and inspiration struck? Is Coca-Cola furthering an agenda of making every single liquid substance as unhealthy as possible?

It’s being tested in New York right now and is said to “taste like a birthday party for a polar bear.” I imagine a polar bear’s birthday would probably involve a slaughtered seal or lost Eskimo, so not sure what they’re getting at here.

It’s called Vio. If you try it, please let me know what you think. I know that if I see it, I’m going to have to drink it, but I really don’t want to seek it out, because the quest would consume me.

Read about it here.

Posted in Bears, Food, NYC, Really? | 1,195 Responses »
Tags: polar bears, Vio

Bronx bombing

Monday, July 27th, 2009

photoyankees

I finally caught a game at the new Yankee Stadium yesterday. The Yankees beat the A’s 7-5. Pictured are the ground level seats that I would have to sell a kidney to afford. Instead I sat in the upper deck – all told, it was a pretty good view of the field. Before I get into my list of random thoughts about the experience, just for the record, this is what it cost for me, my dad, my brother and my sister.

Four tickets, upper deck: $255
Four foot-long hot dogs: $27
Two small iced-teas: $10
One small diet Coke: $5
Large bottle of water: $5
Four beers: $34
Parking: $19

Now, on to the random thoughts:

1. Spending $355 for an afternoon of baseball is absurd, and someone somewhere ought to be ashamed for creating an environment where that kind of price gouging is OK. Granted, I share some of the blame for actually shelling out $8.50 for a beer, but still. Not cool.

2. Also not cool? That they built that stadium in between the end of one season and the start of another, and nine years later Ground Zero is still a big gaping hole. I understand that these are different situations – there are more people and entities involved in redeveloping Ground Zero, which makes it much harder – but still, shameful.

3. The ratio of crazy, drunken true believers to families and tourists has shifted dramatically. I’ve never seen so many fanny-packs at a Yankee game, and so few people getting tossed for some form of disorderly conduct.

4. You know how you can tell the age of a tree by the rings? You can also tell age with layers of grime and wear on buildings in New York City. The new stadium is so clean, it lacks the charm of the team’s history. That’ll change, but not for a very long time.

5. I’m still upset about how much it cost.

6. The team used to be made up of really solid utility players who always came through in the clutch. Now it’s a bunch of superstars who seem to choke when they’re needed most. What I’m saying is, I miss Scott Brosius.

7. A friend of a friend said that in the new stadium, no one stands up for two strikes. I couldn’t sum up the experience any better than that.

8. I will allow that maybe it’s a fun time at the ballpark and either I’ve become too much of a cynical asshole to notice, or it was just a run-of-the-mill day and I expected too much, but you know what? I’m not going back any time soon, and that has a lot to do with paying $8.50 for a beer.

Posted in Just not right, NYC | 89 Responses »
Tags: New York Yankees

We’re getting SERVED!

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

photo-3

This is the latest movie filming in the Financial District, which means I have to walk through the set every day to get home. Let me just say, I’m relieved. I had so many unanswered questions from Step Up and Step Up 2: The Streets. Questions that only a trilogy can satisfy.

What this sign doesn’t convey, though, is the most exciting part of this news: It’s going to be in 3-D! At least, that’s what IMDB tells me. They don’t have much information listed on the page. My fingers are crossed for a Lou Diamond Phillips cameo, but then again, I do that for every movie.

Seriously though, I can’t wait to see some people get served, and other people learn important life lessons, all while flinging themselves and their hot dance moves at my face!

Posted in Movies, NYC, Really? | 949 Responses »
Tags: Step Up

Not ready for prime time

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

In an interview with City Hall News, which you can read here, Rep. Carolyn Maloney made a pretty huge mistake. She dropped the n-bomb.

Here’s the offending paragraph: There is Carolyn Maloney, ripping into Kirsten Gillibrand broad and hard for voting against the two stimulus bills and for changing her positions on several core Democratic issues, sounding out her case on the fly as, “It’s the NRA, it’s immigration, it’s all these other things. In fact, I got a call from someone from Puerto Rico, said [Gillibrand] went to Puerto Rico and came out for English-only [education]. And he said, ‘It was like saying n—r to a Puerto Rican,’” she said, using the full racial slur. “I don’t know—I don’t know if that’s true or not. I just called. I’m just throwing that out. All of her—well, what does she stand for?”

Maloney isn’t a big fan of Gillibrand, and plans on challenging her for New York’s Senate seat when Gillibrand is up for re-election. I’m pretty sure she just ruined her chances.

I mean, look, the establishment is pretty much already lined up behind Gillibrand. She has Schumer, which is pretty much all anyone could ever need in New York State. Besides a few holdouts, she’s got strong support and looks pretty solid. It was a tough enough road to hoe.

Now, I’m not even going to get into the nature or meaning of the n-bomb. Maloney’s use of it, even in relaying a story from someone else, is problematic for one simple reason: She said it to a reporter. Maybe you can get away with saying the word to someone behind closed doors, but to a reporter? Who is writing a story about you? C’mon! Sharpton is eating this up.

The simple fact is this: If you think it’s OK to say something like that to a reporter you are not ready to be a U.S. Senator. Simple as that.

Really, she’s lucky City Hall News didn’t put a big pull-quote on the front page, or a headline like: “Maloney drops political bombshell on herself.” Instead, they put it in the story and left it at that.

Doesn’t matter. The damage is done.

Posted in NYC, Politics, Really? | No Responses »
Tags: Carolyn Maloney, Kirsten Gillibrand

Blitzkrieg flop

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Gutter punks are invading Williamsburg, with their mangy dogs and their hankering for heroin. The trust-fund babies are crying in their PBR. I call it karma.

One of my pet peeves: People who’ve lived in New York City for ten minutes and get all starry-eyed over “Old New York.” They have these notions of gaslights and punk rock, like New York is this magical place where things used to be “real” and “cutting edge.” I want to smack every person who wear’s a CBGB T-shirt but doesn’t know what that stands for. Worse if they bought it at Hot Topic.

Old New York was a magnet for the dregs of society. It’s one of the few places in the world where you can disappear into a crowd, and live your life without (too many) people passing judgement on you. Old New York had a wonderful, lush history that was at times transcendent, and at times incredibly dangerous.

Look, I’m a big fan of going out at night and not getting stabbed. I’m not a big fan of overdevelopment. I hate the destruction of our historic homes and buildings for ugly-ass apartments and condos, and the loss of local businesses for banks and Subways. I do understand that it’s a symptom of a strong economy.

Now it’s going the other way, and that’s part of living here. I’ll take a little danger with my morning coffee if it means dealing with less entitled brats who grow mustaches, toss together an ironic wardrobe from Salvation Army and then crowd up the good bars.

This city is not a playground. It doesn’t offer salvation. It is what you make of it, and when you sit around all day smoking pot, and stumbling around drunk, and complaining without creating change, then you’re making a mess of it.

Soapbox, disengage.

The Daily News wrote about the gutter punk invasion here. Enjoy.

Posted in NYC | 2,749 Responses »

How dare you tweet?

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

Bank gets robbed. Girl waiting in said bank posts about it on Twitter. Commentators on Gothamist proceed to call her “one of the worst people [they've] ever read about.”

Certainly, that is correct… she is much worse than Patrick Burris, who recently gunned down five people in South Carolina. Or, you know, Hitler.

Check it out here. Madness.

What’s with the vitriol? So she tweeted about a robbery that happened at her bank. Where’s the fire? I’m not a fan of Twitter, but I don’t arbitrarily hate people for using it. That’s like me hating the guy who stands outside the building selling fruit. He doesn’t bother me. He doesn’t try to shove stuff in my hand as I walk by. But if I decide I want fruit, he’s there with a Granny Smith apple and a smile. Good times!

I believe that the worst people I read about are the anonymous people on the internet who hide behind their computer screens and make pissy and hurtful comments about people they don’t even know. And also, Hitler.

Posted in Blog, Media, NYC, Really?, Tool | 6 Responses »
Tags: Bank robbery, Hitler, Twitter