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“Clever laptop pun”

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

The Wall Street Journal has a story about coffee shops pulling the plug on free-loading laptop users. Read it here.

Look, I’m a “writer,” in the sense that I like collecting rejection letters. I’ve always felt like the people who go to a coffee shop to write are lame. It seems like they’re more interested in someone (usually a pretty girl) coming up to them to talk to them about their deep thoughts and insights a.k.a. lame poetry.

Or they want to surf the web for a few hours while nursing a single cup of coffee. Who cares if paying customers can’t sit down? There’s pictures of cats with funny captions to be looked at! Also lame.

Or they want to show off their new MacBook. Lame lame lame.

I tried to write in a coffee shop once. It wasn’t on a laptop, I was doing line-edits on a printed manuscript. I was curious to see if there was anything to sitting in a coffee shop and working. I felt like a self-absorbed tool and ended up drinking five cups of coffee because I felt bad for monopolizing the space. Plus, it was too loud to concentrate.

So instead of getting some good work done, I ended up frustrated and jittery. LAME!

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Darwinism, please?

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

A recent college grad from the Bronx, Trina Thompson, is suing Monroe College because, three months after graduating, the college hasn’t done enough to find her a job. She’s seeking $70,000 in tuition reimbursement, as well as $2,000 for stress.

I’m pretty sure it’s not Monroe College’s fault, and I’ll give you two reasons as to why:

1. Check out the story NY1 did here. While a gracious editor cleaned up her quote in the text, if you listen to the video, her quote is actually this (emphasis mine):

“I need a full-time job placement and that’s what they said they was going to help me with and they didn’t.”

2. In her complaint, which you can read here, you can see that’s she’s “seeking a reimbursement of $70,000 from [her] tutision.”

So the reason Trina can’t find a job is not because of anything Monroe College did. Actually, it’s despite their effort. It’s because she’s a moron.

It’s kinda sad that my generation is one that expects handouts without having to do any work.

If I really thought about this, I would probably be overcome with an impending sense of doom, that if the children are our future, and the children are retarded, then we are completely screwed as a race, and I may as well go live in a shack in the mountains and become self-sufficient to try and stave off the eventual collapse of society.

Instead, I’ll just laugh and move on.

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But… he’s famous!

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

There’s a photo on Page Six of the New York Post today that I just love. I can’t find a link to it, so let me describe it to you: Two smiling female cops flanked by Chris Brown.

What a fantastic example they’re setting for the kids.

“Hey Mr. Celebrity, even though you beat the shit out of your girlfriend, and we’re members of the law enforcement community, we would like to take a picture with you because you are famous. Hope you don’t beat the shit out of us! Just kidding! You’re famous, and a guy, it was clearly her fault. Say cheese!”

Wow. Just, wow.

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Kung-fu what now?

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

I’m still trying to figure this out. So far, this is what I’ve gathered: If I buy this computer software, Jackie Chan will ride through my computer on a Segway kung-fu fighting meth-addicted Pac-man ghosts. It will also let people speaking different languages understand each other.

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Who even conceived of this?!?

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Coca-Cola invented a carbonated milk beverage. I really would like to know the thought process that went into creating this. Did someone mix milk with soda, and inspiration struck? Is Coca-Cola furthering an agenda of making every single liquid substance as unhealthy as possible?

It’s being tested in New York right now and is said to “taste like a birthday party for a polar bear.” I imagine a polar bear’s birthday would probably involve a slaughtered seal or lost Eskimo, so not sure what they’re getting at here.

It’s called Vio. If you try it, please let me know what you think. I know that if I see it, I’m going to have to drink it, but I really don’t want to seek it out, because the quest would consume me.

Read about it here.

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We’re getting SERVED!

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

photo-3

This is the latest movie filming in the Financial District, which means I have to walk through the set every day to get home. Let me just say, I’m relieved. I had so many unanswered questions from Step Up and Step Up 2: The Streets. Questions that only a trilogy can satisfy.

What this sign doesn’t convey, though, is the most exciting part of this news: It’s going to be in 3-D! At least, that’s what IMDB tells me. They don’t have much information listed on the page. My fingers are crossed for a Lou Diamond Phillips cameo, but then again, I do that for every movie.

Seriously though, I can’t wait to see some people get served, and other people learn important life lessons, all while flinging themselves and their hot dance moves at my face!

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Not ready for prime time

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

In an interview with City Hall News, which you can read here, Rep. Carolyn Maloney made a pretty huge mistake. She dropped the n-bomb.

Here’s the offending paragraph: There is Carolyn Maloney, ripping into Kirsten Gillibrand broad and hard for voting against the two stimulus bills and for changing her positions on several core Democratic issues, sounding out her case on the fly as, “It’s the NRA, it’s immigration, it’s all these other things. In fact, I got a call from someone from Puerto Rico, said [Gillibrand] went to Puerto Rico and came out for English-only [education]. And he said, ‘It was like saying n—r to a Puerto Rican,’” she said, using the full racial slur. “I don’t know—I don’t know if that’s true or not. I just called. I’m just throwing that out. All of her—well, what does she stand for?”

Maloney isn’t a big fan of Gillibrand, and plans on challenging her for New York’s Senate seat when Gillibrand is up for re-election. I’m pretty sure she just ruined her chances.

I mean, look, the establishment is pretty much already lined up behind Gillibrand. She has Schumer, which is pretty much all anyone could ever need in New York State. Besides a few holdouts, she’s got strong support and looks pretty solid. It was a tough enough road to hoe.

Now, I’m not even going to get into the nature or meaning of the n-bomb. Maloney’s use of it, even in relaying a story from someone else, is problematic for one simple reason: She said it to a reporter. Maybe you can get away with saying the word to someone behind closed doors, but to a reporter? Who is writing a story about you? C’mon! Sharpton is eating this up.

The simple fact is this: If you think it’s OK to say something like that to a reporter you are not ready to be a U.S. Senator. Simple as that.

Really, she’s lucky City Hall News didn’t put a big pull-quote on the front page, or a headline like: “Maloney drops political bombshell on herself.” Instead, they put it in the story and left it at that.

Doesn’t matter. The damage is done.

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Oh, what a world…

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Did you know that in Albany, in exchange for political allegiance, you get awarded a committee chairmanship that adds $12,500 onto your salary? Despite the fact that you (allegedly) slashed your girlfriend’s face open with a broken piece of glass? And when our elected leaders are confronted over who’s responsible for doing something that’s maybe illegal and definitely immoral, they’ll all lie about it?

Read about it here. Read about it and weep, long and hard.

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Serves them right

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Hey, skinny-jean wearers of America – you don’t just look like an idiot, you are also probably killing yourself because you’re compressing the femoral cutaneous nerve in your leg.

OK, the reality is that this is media fearmongering, because, you know, nothing gets people to tune into the news like a teaser warning them about the daily household item secretly plotting their murder. And then it turns out that some idiot somewhere took a bath with his toaster and this is worth warning people about.

But, yea, apparently this is a real thing. Gothamist has a post about it, which you can check out here.

Seriously though, if you need a pair of pliers to get your jeans on, there’s a problem. Why does fashion have to look so stupid? And be so insanely uncomfortable? What does it say about us as a society that we’re willing to give up comfort and safety just to look a certain way? Not I didn’t say ‘look good,’ because you can’t be a male in your mid-20s, steal a pair of your little sister’s jeans, put them on, and look good. You just can’t.

I’m going to stop before I get started…

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Viral or valid?

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

This is going to contain SPOILERS for Lost. If you ever want to watch the show unmolested, or simply haven’t gotten up to Season 5, scroll down and read my rant about the Sotomayor hearings. You are warned.

So, Anthony Spinner, a former television producer, apparently wrote a script for a show called Lost way back in 1977. You can read the story here. The similarities between the shows, including storytelling devices, characters and plot lines, are incredibly similar. So similar this reeks of viral marketing, because 1977 is the year that half the cast travels back to in Season 5.

If this is real, that’s just a weird coincidence for a show built on coincidence. If it’s a viral campaign, then my hat is off to them. Virals used to be cool, until everyone started doing them, and when you can spot them a mile away, they’re just not fun anymore.

This takes it to the meta level, in that it drops a pretty serious real-world charge, separate from the universe created by the show. Last year they were recruiting for the Dharma Initiative, which was an interesting concept, and you go along with it because you know it’s a game. This, at least in the beginning, the parameteres aren’t as clear.

What lends it a slight bit of credence, though, is that apparently the suit was originally filed in 2005 and dismissed for procedural reasons. That’s a weird detail. I don’t remember hearing about that.

Thank you, creators of Lost, for bringing sexy back to viral marketing. If it’s real. If it’s not, that just sucks.

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