June, 2009

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Who watches the watchmen?

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

I’m loathe to pass judgement on a situation when I didn’t directly witness it, but you know what? I feel bad for this woman. The signs seem to point to police misconduct. I will allow that maybe she got combative, or is exaggerating her injuries, but you know what? I feel like it’s getting harder to trust cops.

Remember that cop about a year ago who knocked some dude off his bike then filed a false report to cover it up, and thank Xenu for random people with video cameras and YouTube accounts?

Or, hey, remember those two cops who, like, raped some drunk chick in the Village?

Yea, that scares me.

If you don’t know about the Stanford prison experiment, check it out. It was a social experiment in 1971 in which people were given the role of either guard or prisoner, and put into a mock prison. What happened was, they all took to their roles a little too well, with the prisoners accepting humiliating and abusive treatment, while the guards let their power get to their head and exhibited sadistic tendencies. The whole thing ended up getting shut down early.

Or, if academia isn’t your thing, you can watch the German movie Das Experiment. Same idea, although much more dramatic. It stars Moritz Bleibtreu!

Seriously, there are a lot of cops out there who are all about truth, justice and the American way. Problem is, there are also crazy bullies who mistake their nightstick for their penis and get a little too excited about the prospect of getting a gun.

It’s a weird thing, that we subject ourselves to, allowing these strange men and woman protect us, and we’re mostly supposed to surrender to their authority.

Then there’s stuff like this, where this woman is claiming a cop got rough with her for – according to her account, and the account of a witness – because she was “acting like a woman.”

Which, since she actually is a woman, isn’t that the preferable course of action? Should she act like a tree? Or a tire iron? I don’t get it. I mean, I do, but it’s stupid.

I could go on, but I’ll leave it at this: I linked to the story because it’s something I hope people read, and know about, because that’s the only way we can protect ourselves from abuses by authority figures, which is to watch the watchmen as closely as we can.

Posted in NYC, Really?, Tool | 932 Responses »
Tags: abuse, Cops, NYPD

Missing Sarah Palin

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

sarah-palin

Vanity Fair has a pretty great article on Sarah Palin, which you can read here.

Is it wrong for me to miss her? Look, I stopped taking politics seriously a while ago. Otherwise I would collapse into a ball and sob until I felt the cold embrace of death. Instead, I’m trying to enjoy it for the cast of colorful characters and absurd power struggles. Kind of like how repressed homosexuals enjoy professional wrestling, except I try to convince myself it’s not real.

Really though, it seemed like every time Palin opened her mouth, she said something that was not only really funny, but made you wonder what McCain was thinking.

(I mean, we know what he was thinking, that she would rally both the conservative base and all the women burned by Hillary Clinton’s loss in the primaries. In reality she only appealed to the psycho right-wing conservatives – not as a big a group as you would think – and she insulted women with, among other things, her regressive stance on abortion)

Her speech at the convention was pretty good, but that pitbull with lipstick line was perfect. That it was off-the-cuff was no small feat. Then she got served by, of all people, Katie Couric. I can just picture her braintrust saying that Couric would be a softball interview. Turned out Katie brought her big-girl boots, and the downward spiral began.

McCain should never blame her for his loss, because that can be attributed to a perfect storm of several major mistakes on his part – like admitting he didn’t understand the economy, the single most important issue of the campaign – but she was definitely one of the bigger mistakes that sent him packing to Arizona in November.

Palin is a shrewd politician, but there’s a big difference between winning big in a state with no media and a small base of voters, and the absurd breadth of the national political stage.

The 2012 race is going to be a lot more interesting with her around, and I actively hope that she ends up in the primary, because at least it’ll be good for a few laughs. So will her book, which I’m eagerly anticipating.

Based on what I’ve read about her, I expect something that’s going to burn down every bridge in sight. Something that any other politician would consider a mistake to publish.

Posted in Democracy, Politics, Really? | 334 Responses »
Tags: Alaska, John McCain, Politics, Sarah Palin, Vanity Fair

Why Wendy’s, why?

Monday, June 29th, 2009

So apparently Wendy’s is now doing Chinese food? Check out their site here.

That’s like getting sushi in a pizza parlor. It’s just… you don’t go into Wendy’s for Chinese food. You go to a Chinese food restaurant and point to what you want on the poorly-translated menu.

Also, does anyone actually eat this stuff? It’s not real food. It’s reheated food-type product.

Also, could you tell I couldn’t think of anything else to write about?

Posted in Food, Really?, Weird | 388 Responses »
Tags: Chinese food, Wendy's

RIP, Billy Mays

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

Best headline I’ve ever seen, from the LA Times: “But wait! There’s (no) more. Billy Mays dead.” I was driving on I-87 when I read this and almost crashed the car.

(I know, I should not have been checking the news while driving, but I’m a multitasker, and also, this is important, because who’s going to yell at people about OxiClean now?)

Remember a few days ago when I mocked the woman who said she was surprised that Michael Jackson died, even though she had never met him? Well, I’m surprised that Billy Mays is dead, because I met him, like, two or three weeks ago, and he seemed to be pretty spry.

What’s interesting to me is that he’s known for yelling everything he says – leading my girlfriend to guess that the cause of death was that his head had exploded – but in the few brief moment I talked to him, he was very soft-spoken. Seemed like a nice guy.

So it goes.

Posted in Weird | 2,216 Responses »
Tags: Billy Mays

Movie review: Friday the 13th (2009)

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

I watched this movie in a lakehouse in the Adirondacks, 45 minutes from any kind of actual town. No cell phone signal. Totally middle of nowhere. After the movie me and my friend went outside to have a drink on the dock, at like 2 in the morning, and I should have been a little scared.

But I wasn’t.

The problem was that in the time it took me to pour a glass of whisky and walk outside, I had pretty much completely forgotten I had watched this movie.

It was a total paint-by-numbers effort. Like, the director had a checklist of horror movie tropes and he was trying to get them all in. Virginal survivor girl? Check. Minority sidekicks? Check. Dialogue that doesn’t sound like how people really talk? Check. One-dimensional characters painted in broad strokes? Check. Boobs? Check check checkity check.

This is a great example of creators getting wrapped up in paying respect to a genre and injecting homages that they strangle themselves. Instead of doing something new and interesting they stick so close to the source material that they do what’s been done in NINE MOVIES ALREADY.

This is a series about a retarded zombie slaughtering people in the woods. Taking it seriously is your first mistake.

For real, I was getting excited about the direction they were taking this series. Did you see Jason X? Jason in space! They made him a cyborg! Was it a good movie? Hell yes. Jason freezes some chick’s face in liquid nitrogen and smashes it against a desk. It was one of the best things I’ve ever seen.

How many times can you make a movie about Jason killing teenagers in the woods? Apparently, at least one more. I imagine a sequel is inherent. I hope they take a nod from the guys who put him in space and do something off-the-wall.

Maybe he can be on a presidential ticket with Sarah Palin. They’re both against teen sex! I would watch that movie.

Friday the 13th: You Betcha – Summer 2010

Posted in Movie reviews | 966 Responses »

Movie review: Zombie Strippers

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

Jenna Jameson quoting Nietzsche. This is something that actually happens.

Apparently this movie is based on Rhinoceros, a French play written by Eugene Ionesco. It’s about a small provincial town where everyone turns into rhinoceroses, except for one guy. It’s read as a response to a sudden upsurge in Communism, Fascism and Nazism after World War II, and explores themes of conformity, culture, philosophy and morality. At least, that’s what Wikipedia tells me. This movie explores similar themes, except during the Bush era, which means there are a lot of people making bad decisions and the military shows up to make a mess of things.

My friend used the word ‘existentialist’ to describe one of the scenes in this movie. And then Jenna Jameson shot pool balls out of her vagina.

I feel like this movie may have been smarter than me. Or it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. Not sure. I need to watch it again. And not just because it’s full of half-naked women for nearly the entire runtime. Although that helps.

Posted in Movie reviews | 1,386 Responses »

Today he’s A-OK

Friday, June 26th, 2009

Here’s another quirk of celebrity deaths: All perceived sins are forgiven.

The New York Post’s cartoonist, Sean Delonas, has never let go a chance to portray Michael Jackson as a child-molesting fairy. Today the Post has a big, wistful tribute, including a flattering photo on the front page.

I’m not saying the Post is the only one. Yesterday morning Michael Jackson was a joke, today he’s a hero.

Isn’t it easier to make fun of people when they’re dead? Then they’re guaranteed not to retalitate, or even feel bad about it.

Seriously. Tell me how you really feel.

Posted in Media, Music, Really? | 938 Responses »

RIP, MJ

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

Michael Jackson died today. I overheard a woman say she was shocked, and I wanted to ask her, did she have dinner with him the night before and he seemed fine, and now he’s dead? Because that would be shocking. A complete stranger dying really isn’t.

I’m always weirded out by celebrity deaths, because people rush to memorialize them, like they’re our friends. This isn’t a comment on Michael Jackson as a person. I’m not going to pass judgement on him, because I didn’t know him or the circumstances of his drama. Instead I’ll ask, why is it in our nature to get so bummed when someone dies who we didn’t even know?

Is it because we’ll no longer hear new music from him? Or does it reach deeper, into our ingrained fascination with the concept of these men and women who we turn into modern-day demigods? He was influential, yes, probably one of the most influential artists of the modern era, but at the same time, how many of us really sit down and meditate on his body of work? Or do we just put Billie Jean, Bad and Beat It on the playlist we make for our 80s flashback party?

It’s a shame whenever anyone dies. They probably have friends and family who care deeply about them, but sometimes I feel like it cheapens their loss, when there are all these strangers lining up to claim that loss as their own.

Posted in Music, Weird | 957 Responses »
Tags: dead, Michael Jackson

How is he still single?

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

Do you have a half-hour to kill? Feel like laughing? Check out this guy’s Web site. Apparently he does exist, and somehow even takes himself seriously.

Despite my anti-religion diatribes, I’m not against people being individually spiritual – it’s when they get together and do it in groups that there are problems. I love guys like this, though, who get wrapped up in some skewed, Eastern philosophy-type belief about “light” and “universe” and all these vague concepts, to which they assign a ridiculous amount of meaning.

Anyway, yea, this guy is looking for a girlfriend, whom he refers to as a goddess, and it’s like the best personal ad I’ve ever read. Apparently he’s developed some sort of computer thing that’s going to eventually make him a billionaire, he does a lot of yoga and he doesn’t watch TV. He points out that he doesn’t like pets because they “sap his energy” but then rebuts it by pointing out that’s he’s funny. He says he lives in Los Angeles but adds that he’s a citizen of Nevada (??). He sounds somewhat silly and earnest, until he drops gems like this:

She has a trim waistline. Alternatively, if her waistline is ALMOST (but not quite) trim, she is willing to trim it down for me and keep it trim for me. No exceptions

Hmm. Excuse me, your psycho is showing.

Seriously though, you know how you can’t call yourself cool? Because if you do you’re not cool? You also can’t call yourself, Extremely brilliant. Extremely creative. Well educated. Renaissance Man. Wise. Doesn’t work like that.

Posted in Really?, Weird | 75 Responses »
Tags: dating, goddess, Psycho

Low marks for high fructose

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

The Chicago Tribune has an interesting story on high-fructose corn syrup, and how food companies are trending away from its use, which you can read here.

Corn that’s been chemically-altered using enzymatic processing does not sound appetizing. While the story goes on to say that high-fructose corn syrup isn’t any better or worse for you than regular sugar, it’s still a sweetener that only exists because of chemical reactions. It’s not a naturally-occurring product. Health arguments aside, I think it’s weird to eat something that’s been chemically-altered.

Hopefully this trend toward using real sugar means consumers are (gasp) making smarter food choices. The only possible downside, which is touched on in the story, is that the whole syrup v. sugar debate might have people thinking that real sugar is healthy, because it’s natural. Which, you know, is sort of an idiotic thing to think. It’s essentially akin to believing that eating nothing but meat products is a healthy way to lose weight. Because it’s not.

Speaking of sugar, this morning when I got my coffee (black, medium, one sugar), the woman in front of me asked for a medium with five sugars. I think that’s called the Diabetes Blend.

Posted in Food, Really?, Weird | No Responses »
Tags: Chicago Tribune, Health, High fructose corn syrup, sugar